New Year’s Day 2009
Hello, Constant Reader. I know it’s been awhile. I made a commitment to document my journey and did not follow through.
To make a long story short, October started off promisingly enough. I began a program called the “Month of No Spending”. It was going well. I didn’t buy any unnecessary things, I did well grocery shopping. Then the dog got sick. He’s got chronic pancreatitis. This episode was brought on by a change in his dog food. He had to spend a few days in the hospital being treated. It cost $1,000.00 that I didn’t have and came at a time when I didn’t have a very big commission coming in that month.
It really threw me for a loop. Then I was traveling a lot for work and got so behind in my writing and my financials that I just had to tell myself not to get too uptight about it.
I’ve been in some turmoil regarding the current state of my life and my future. I’m testing out different ideas but the only one that feels completely right is the one with the biggest risk.
I think this will be the year I figure it out. I’ve decided it’s my goal for 2009. I gained great faith in myself in 2008. Now I think my job is to reach beyond being comfortable in my own skin and use that positive place to catapult myself somewhere better than I am now.
I know I’m being a little vague. I’m not ready to put my latest/greatest idea out there because it’s so radical. It didn’t even start out being mine. I have a friend with big ideas and we’ve been talking about how we’d like to live our lives. Her idea of chucking it all and pulling up stakes is really attractive. It is something that I’ve always longed to do, even when the destination was not so far or exotic. When I’ve day dreamed, I’ve always dreamed of leaving where I was and arriving somewhere new.
What if that became my whole life? Why not? When I think about the way things turned out for me (the divorces, no children), I wonder if it might have happened to free me from a self-imposed prison of normality that never really suited me.
What I love is learning. I think that’s why I love history so much and why that major was perfect for me in college. I also love story telling. I love to hear a good story and I like to tell one.
To pull this off, I would need to overcome my phobia of failure, of fucking the whole thing up. Maybe that’s the reason I NEED to do it. Maybe this is how I lose the final piece of luggage from my uptight, upbringing. I don’t know.
Well, I know this much. Here are things I can do immediately and can commit to for 2009:
I will simplify my life this year. I will donate or sell all extra clothing (I have a lot). I will sell all furniture I do not use/need. I will not buy anything NEW this year. If I want it I need to find it used on eBay or Craigslist. I will put money away into savings in the amount of what I was paying on my credit cards before I paid them off.
That money will be my cushion should change happen unexpectedly at work. If I make the change, then this money will fund my future. I will cancel cable TV, and cease all other spending that does not directly contribute to my dream. I will use my upcoming trip as a way to test drive my ambitions. I will ask for help where I can.
I will commit to funding happiness not pleasure. I will commit to recording it all.
Ok, 2009. Look out. Here I come.
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